


I've Seen The Light

by pieprincess_andthe_fallenangel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Fix-It, Fluff, Heaven, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Reunions, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27663278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pieprincess_andthe_fallenangel/pseuds/pieprincess_andthe_fallenangel
Summary: [Spoilers for the finale!]Dean has come to terms with what he wants, now he just needs to take it.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 234





	I've Seen The Light

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not gonna lie, I legitimately did cry when writing this. That’s not to say that it’s any good, just that I’m an emotional whore who has far too many feelings for these fictional characters. 10 years, man. I’ve been watching this show for 10 years. And I don’t regret a second of it.

“So, Jack did all that?” Dean asked, an equal amount of pride and regret swirling around in his head. He never had got the chance to fully make things right with Jack. He wasn’t proud of how he’d treated the kid, wasn’t proud of the decision’s he’d made and words he’d spat out in anger. He hoped that one day he would get the chance to apologise. He hoped they could still be family. He hoped…

Well, he wanted a lot of things, but when did Dean Winchester ever get what he wished for?

“Well…” Bobby said while Dean was still struggling to press all of his regrets and anguish back down into that little box inside his chest, to suppress everything like he’d always had to. “Cas helped.”

For a moment, Dean thought he’d misheard. He turned to look Bobby’s way, his heart racing in his chest, his heart beating a mile a minute as it echoed through his eardrums. Bobby didn’t give any kind of clarification; he just waggled his eyebrows in a way which had the breath catching in Dean’s throat.

He knew, Dean realised. Bobby knew.

Maybe not the specifics, but he _knew_.

Dean expected to feel scared at that realisation, but the fear pumping through his body had nothing to do with what his family did or did not know about his relationship with a certain blue-eyed angel. _Dean’s_ angel. The man who had been there for him through thick and thin, who _loved_ him. And Dean…

He smiled.

Despite everything, he smiled.

For a moment, his eyes became unfocused, his vision no longer seeing the heaven that surrounded him, but instead caught in the magic that was Castiel. The man who had sacrificed himself time in and time out for… for _love_.

Bobby was speaking again now, talking about heaven. But what he was saying felt different to Dean now, less like a dream, more tangible. This was real. Dean’s mind was running a mile a minute, but he tried to hide that, tried to focus on the here and now instead of leaping into the future, into Cas’ eyes.

There was a grin pulling at the corner of his lips, but Dean tried desperately to keep it locked inside. Not because he didn’t want to feel it, but because he _did_. Because Dean knew that if he let himself really think about it and feel it now, he’d be lost.

Eventually, he took a pull from the beer Bobby had handed him, using it to control the emotions that were surely gleaming on his face. And, somehow, he stumbled into one of the few things that could have actually distracted him right now. That beer tasted like memories he’d almost forgotten, about one of the few bright days of his teenage years. The first drink he’d shared with his dad…

Which reminded him in turn of the first drink he’d shared with Sammy. The fondness turned like a pit in his stomach. It wasn’t so much that Dean wished that his brother could be here with him now, more that he wished he could be down there as well. And it wasn’t simply because he’d left his brother alone back on earth. He hadn’t; Sam had Eileen, after all, and Dean knew she would take good care of him. So, it wasn’t that. Wasn’t _just_ that.

It was everything else that he’d left behind. It was the life that he’d only _just_ won which was so cruelly ripped away from him now. He’d never know what he could have made with his life. He’d never have the apple-pie dream that he’d been secretly longing for. He’d never grow old and fat; he’d never watch _Sam_ grow old.

They’d see each other again – sooner than expected if Bobby was right about this whole ‘time is different up here’ shtick – but that wouldn’t give Dean back the life he’d never had.

“You’ve got everything you could ever want, or need, or dream,” Bobby said, as though reading the turmoil inside Dean’s heart. Perhaps he could. It had been so long since he and Bobby had seen each other, and so much had changed, but one thing never would: Bobby was a father to Dean, now and always. And the words that he said… Well, perhaps they were true. Maybe there was hope in heaven. “So, I guess the question is, what are you going to do now, Dean?”

That question was both the easiest and hardest to answer.

Deep in his heart, Dean knew what he wanted. And as Bobby’s question ran through his mind, the distraction that he’d afforded himself faded and emotions – good and bad alike – filled his lungs, making it difficult to breathe. And then he saw the Impala, sitting there like the answer to his prayers. That car was his home, and right now… Dean could use some comfort, some time to think.

Dean didn’t know where he was going, he just sat down, and he drove. And as the road opened up ahead of him, and as the music played on around him, he found his heart rate returning to normal, his breathing slowing as though at rest, his stomach uncurling. Dean drove, and he drove. He probably should have gone to see his parents, he wanted to see them, but that felt less urgent now. There was something else though, something left unsaid, something that felt a lot more time-sensitive…

And as Dean drove, with every passing second, he built up more and more courage. He questioned why he was even scared of it in the first place; why was he so terrified to ask for what he wanted? Was it the rejection that he feared? Because that just wasn’t rational, not anymore. Not after what Cas had said…

Dean laughed as he realised that, no, it wasn’t the rejection he feared here, it was something much, much worse.

He wasn’t scared that he’d get shot down; he was scared that he _wouldn’t_. Dean’s fear was in actually having the one thing that he’d been yearning after for years. It was in finally getting what he wanted, only to prove that he wasn’t _good enough_ for it. For him.

Dean had never been good enough.

But he wanted to be.

 _Christ_ , he wanted to be.

Dean pulled the car up to a stop. He was on a bridge, and the scenery beyond was breath-taking. He took a moment to stare out at the world that Jack had built, that _Cas_ had built. His Cas. The man who had fought for him, fought with him, time and time again. The man who was capable of such greatness, who had love, and forgiveness, and compassion running through his veins. Who was everything Dean had ever wanted.

He stared up at the blue sky above, and he realised that it was the same shade that Cas’ eyes had been all those years ago, sitting on that park bench, the sun shining down on him as though it was in awe too. Dean sure had been. He still was.

Dean stared up at the sky while he searched for the words. He wanted to do this right. He wanted…

“Hello, Dean.”

Cas’ voice sent a shiver down his spine, making the breath catch in his throat. For a moment, Dean was frozen. He couldn’t turn around, he couldn’t… He couldn’t let this be another trick.

But, somehow, he managed it.

He stepped away from the rail and turned to see the man behind him. And there he was, standing in all his glory, dirty trench coat and all.

Cas took Dean’s breath away, and that was as true now in death as it had been in life.

Dean wanted to hug him, wanted to pull him close and never let go. But he didn’t want to push this, didn’t want to push _Cas_ away. Not now; not ever again.

So, no matter how much it pained him, Dean held himself back.

Cas didn’t, though.

From one second to the next, Cas was in his arms. Dean’s trepidation faded into nothing as he clutched desperately back at his angel and inhaled deeply, his senses flooding with the scent that was uniquely Cas. He smelt like the sea, like static, like an oncoming storm.

Dean didn’t think he would ever get enough of that scent.

“I missed you,” Dean said, his voice wavering shakily. “I missed you so much.” It had only been a few weeks, but that didn’t matter. It could have only been a few hours, a few minutes, and it still would have been true.

Cas clung on tighter to Dean’s body, and the contact felt so good, so warm. He closed his eyes and sighed. There was so much that he wanted to say, so much he _needed_ to say. Dean needed to tell him that he’d never met another man like Cas before, that he’d been completely blown away from that very first night. He wanted to say that Cas had changed him too, that life had been brighter with him in it. That there would have been no heaven if Cas wasn’t here with him to share in it.

But all he could say in the end was “I love you.”

Cas pulled away from the embrace, and for a second Dean thought the worst. But when he opened his eyes again, and he saw nothing but adoration staring back at him. Adoration and surprise. And that was what powered him on.

“I’m yours, Cas,” he whispered, his hand reaching out to cup the angel’s jaw, feeling that rough stubble against his palm. “I’ve always been yours.”

Cas’ lips were pretty and pink, hanging open in shock, but twisted upwards in happiness too. And this smile was so much better than the last one, because this time, Cas wasn’t about to be torn away from him. This time, nothing was keeping them apart.

Dean pressed forward and did something that he had dreamt of doing for a long, _long_ time. He captured Cas’ lips with his own, hearing that soft gasp of surprise just before their mouths met, their bodies pressed flat against one another – warm, and solid, and _real_.

Of course, that was when Sam showed up… because Dean’s brother had the _worst_ timing.

But that didn’t matter in the end. He and Cas weren’t in any rush; they had the rest of eternity together.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe after all of these years, I'm writing destiel again. I have zero regrets.  
> Title of this fic is from 'Angel' by Aerosmith.
> 
> I hope you guys liked this, feel free to cry with me, but don't forget to bask in the light of our canonically queer angel :D
> 
> PS. I chose not to archive warnings because I couldn't decide if this should technically go under the 'main character death' tag or not...


End file.
